Connections
by Apocalyptic Muse
Summary: For once Jessi Lindsey was going to pay attention to herself. If she couldn’t be happy herself than how could she satisfy her readers? And she just might have found a lifetime of inspiration and love all rolled into one source. A man named Kurt Wagne
1. MtC :: Part One

Bleeding now I'm  
Crying out I'm  
Falling down and I'm  
Feeling nothing like  
Laughing now I'm  
Stopping now I'm  
Reaching out and I'm  
Feeling nothing  
  
Yeah, you have created a rift within me  
Now there have been several complications  
That have left me feeling nothing  
I might say, you were wrong to take it from me  
Left me feeling nothing

- - "Numb" Disturbed

****

Making the Connection : Part One

[ 1 ] Up Late

Kurt Wagner, also known as the Incredible Nightcrawler whilst in the Munich Circus, turned over in bed, tangling himself in the sheets. He gave a half-hearted sigh as he realized what he had done. It wasn't the first time he found himself bound with the bedclothes, and certainly would not be the last.

A few months before he would have found himself waking up in an abandoned, desolate church, all alone. Now he could almost feel the presences of the other inhabitants, both restless and peaceful, throughout Charles Xavier's School for the Gifted. He was still getting used to it. It was a different kind of feeling from anywhere he had ever been. Even the circus had held a separate energy. Kurt could not quite put his finger on this feeling.

Unity, perhaps? He and his foster family, not to mention many of the circus folk, had been quite tightly knit, but it was not the same as this place. It was very similar, but, as he had heard one of the students say before, "no cookie." Here he could sense something in the air, almost like wires, or threads, stretching from person to person. Everyone was connected in some way, and seemed to share a very strong bond, even if it was only one of two others.

It was an amazing thing that Xavier had created here. This school was a very wonderful place, and Kurt was sure everyone within it's walls felt very glad to be here. In a way it was very much like the circus he had come from. It was a family, but in a way that was stronger than any kind of blood tie, and when someone new came, someone who needed a family just as much as they had, they would welcome that person with wide open arms.

It was the story of Kurt's life. If Margali had never taken him in, had never cared for him, he did not know where he would be. He was almost afraid to think about it. Would he have been one of the mutants like Erik Lensherr, always taking that one step over the line of acceptability? Would _he_ have become someone who would have _by choice_ attacked the president instead of being forced to by means of mind control?

A shudder raced up his spine as he sat at the edge of his bed thinking. He still didn't remember too much about what had happened to him at Alkali Lake, and to be frank he did not want to. He knew that he probably should because it was a piece of his life that had been cut out, but at the same time he knew that there was a reason he was not remembering it. Did he really want to know what kind of horrible things happened to him? What he _did_ recall was horrifying in itself, but he was afraid of what any further memories might be.

For a moment he watched as the silvery moonlight slid around various parts of his room as if tempting, teasing the shadows just at the edge of its reach. But darkness could never touch light, because they were two opposite forces. Not necessarily good or evil, just different, forever destined to play their game of cat and mouse, neither winning, neither losing.

Would humans and mutants find themselves in a related game? Would they go round and round for eternity? That is exactly what would happen, because in a battle such as that there would be no winner, but unlike moonlight and shadow the so-called "war" between humans and mutants would bring only casualties. People would die, and other people would take up arms in their own way, be it gun, word, or influence. No one would realize it was pointless until the end, perhaps until it was too late.

Of course there was always hope. Hadn't African Americans gained rights here in the United States? It had taken years of hard ships, but they had made it to the point they were now, accepted and respected just the same as everyone else. For the most part at least, because there would always be those willing to fill the halls of organizations for people like the White Supremacists, the Neo nazis, and such. There would always be those with hate in their hearts.

Yet for all those with hate there would be those with love and compassion. They were the ones who would turn this situation around. They were the key. It would take longer, and would be much, much harder, but he believed that mutants would one day be accepted into the world. One day the misunderstandings and fear would subside. Kurt might never see it, in reality he did not think he would, but it would come.

[ 2 ] Desolation

Many miles away Jessi Lindsey growled in frustration and clicked the X button on her document window. The twenty four year old writer had been attempting to write on her new novel for months now and had made no headway. She would write something and then completely erase it. Nothing seemed to fit, there seemed to be nothing worth saying.

She did not understand it. This was her _profession_! She should have been able to pull words and phrases out of her ass! Nothing came. At the same time she felt she knew exactly what the problem was. She was drained, drained almost to the point of feeling inhuman. (A freaking robot, she was!) Jessi was running only on adrenaline and caffeine. Not a very good combination.

She needed a fresh start, she needed inspiration. Lately however, inspiration was like the needle in the haystack, only in _this _haystack a nest of rattlers was waiting for her. It was as unattainable as the feelings and relationships she wrote about. She felt as though she no longer believed in such things.

_How many times must one be burned before learning to stop lighting matches, Jess?_ She thought to herself as she hunched over her laptop. She noticed that even her own mind-voice was sounding extremely cynical. What a feat!

She tried to shake herself out of it. She reminded herself that she just managed to meet jerks. Somewhere out there, perhaps in a distant part of the world, perhaps right next door, someone felt just like she did. She could not give up on happiness or herself. Her sister, Maggie, would tell her to eat some chocolate. "It has some weird stuff in it that makes you happy," and then she would add with a suggestive wink, "it's also an aphrodisiac." Jess had to grin, even in irony, it was not like she would ever have call for such a thing. Not anymore.

She gazed at the picture on the shelf. She should have gotten rid of it weeks ago when Derek broke it off with her. He said he needed "space" and that he was tired of being "second" to someone like Jess. She shook her head sadly. He could have just come out and say the second horrible truth, too. He wanted to screw her best friend. What a pair. She hoped they were happy. Seriously, at least someone should be.

[ 3 ] Tech Support from Iceman

Back in New York, Kurt Wagner found himself downstairs. He knew he would probably get no more sleep, at least not for a couple hours, so he was going to explore, maybe head by the kitchen to get a late night snack. It didn't really matter as long as he kept his mind busy.

Before he got very far he heard muffled music coming from the living room. He padded down the hall and peeked inside. Bobby Drake, known as Iceman because of his mutant gift of turning moisture into ice, was slouched down into the comfortable cushions of the sofa, his feet propped up on the coffee table. He was mumbling to himself in the beat of the music, nodding his head with it.

Sensing himself being watched Bobby turned to look. Without hesitation he dragged the headphones off and smiled, "hi, Mr. Wagner. I didn't think anyone else would be up this late. I guess I'm not the only insomniac." He laughed briefly.

"I guess not." Kurt answered, stepping into the room. He had meant tonight's excursion to be a solitary one, but he had to admit he didn't mind Bobby's company.

Even though Xavier's school was a place full of warmth Kurt somehow felt out of the loop. They tried to make him feel welcome, and he knew that they _did _want him there, but he still felt as if he did not belong. His life had not yet woven itself into the threads of their entwined fabric. He felt like an interloper, on outsider.

He had spoken to Xavier about this. The Professor was a very pleasant individual and was very happy to listen to anyone's problems. He tried to help Kurt by talking with him a while. He said a lot of the students felt like that at first, but after a while would finally find a place here. It was a typical reaction to being the "new kid." Kurt had felt a little better, but was concerned on how long he would feel so out of place and disconnected.

"So what brings you down so late?" Bobby inquired, shoving his CD player into his bag for safe-keeping.

"I vas thinking, and could not go back to sleep." Kurt answered truthfully, and hoped Bobby would not pry into what he was thinking about. He didn't even want to _mention_ them. Apparently Bobby was used to this, running into those who did not sleep well, because he seemed to know not to ask.

"Ah. Well, seems we're both in luck, running into each other. It gets kinda lonely around here sometimes, don't you think?"

"Very." Kurt had to agree, with just a little more touch of dejection than he had meant.

Bobby frowned. "I know that look. Still getting used to the place, huh? Don't worry. It's a little much at first, but once you get into the swing of things it becomes home."

"Vhy are you up?" Kurt asked.

Bobby turned back and pulled a computer up from beside him. "Work, well, actually I was surfing the internet, but I meant to be doing work. I have a paper due for Mr. Summers, but - - " He lowered his voice into a more somber tone, "- - I don't think he will remember. He has been out of it lately, because of Ms. Grey."

Kurt nodded, remembering the events that took the young woman from them a couple months ago at Alkali Lake. He wanted to steer clear of that topic, believing it to be a too recent pain, so he asked another question. "Internet?"

Bobby smiled.

[ 4 ] Renegade Angel

A short time later Kurt was perched in a chair in the computer lab. Bobby had went to bed, leaving the newest resident of the mansion to fend for himself, but not before setting him up with a means of keeping busy. The German now found himself in one of the many online message boards. He figured this would be easier than one of the chat rooms Bobby had showed him, especially because he was still trying to get the hang of typing.

First off he was just going to scan through some of the entries and see if there was interesting. One of the topics was "What do you think of the mutant problem?" Out of curiosity he chose this one. He wanted to know what others thought, and perhaps, he too, could put in a couple words.

There were three replies to the question so far, probably because it was a new post. The first was by someone called the CyberCynist. He or she took the stand that mutants were some kind of new evil and something had to be done about their existence. The second was by a young man named Gatekeeper99. He said the real issue was not with mutants but with normal people, although he indicated that he was human himself.

The third reply was the most fascinating of all of them:

REPLY TO: MUTANTS V. HUMANS?

TIME 2:23:34 A.M.

BY: RENEGADE ANGEL (jessithemusewickedrealm.com)

_You are both wrong. Sorry 'Keeper, I know I usually agree with you here, but I can't this time. The way I see it is that the only problem with this human/mutant situation is that people have a problems with it at all. It is not about one group or the other. It is about humanity in general and how we react to certain things. Who knows why most humans have a problem with these genetic offshoots. We go around killing our own every day and people don't seem to care much anymore, but have a couple mutants hurt someone and they need to be eradicated from the planet. Maybe it's some weird superiority complex. It seems self-righteous to me. I think people need to look to their selves before shooting off their mouth or judging others. Mutants might be dangerous, but humans are as equally dangerous. (If not more.)_

Kurt read the post twice, thinking as he did so. Before he even thought about what he was doing he had brought up an e-mail box. The cursor blinked temptingly up at him, daring him to go on. _Go on and what? Contact her_. Now that he was thinking about it the idea didn't seem as good as it did a moment before. Then again…

What would it hurt? Without another thought he dove into his project whole-heartedly and forgot all about being down, if only for now.


	2. MtC :: Part Two

I'm through playin' it safe

It's time I laid it on the line

Wanna dance out on the edges

Get a little reckless in my mind

Cause even a heart that's locked away, can find a way to break

I won't hide it now, I'm through making that mistake

One fall, that's all I don't know who it's gonna be

Out there, somewhere

Someone is waiting just for me

No pain, no gain   
  
There's not a chance that I won't take

Cause love is always worth the ache

- - "Love is worth the ache" Carolyn Dawn Johnson

****

Making the Connection : Part Two

**

> > [ 5 ] You Have Mail!

**

Jessi Lindsey's eyes fluttered open. A muffled musical tone was playing somewhere and it had woken her up. She raised up and glanced over to a pile of junk at the edge of her desk. When she realized what was making the sound she dug through the papers and extracted the phone. "Hullo?" She said groggily.

"Jess? S'at you?"

"Yeah." She replied, running a hand through her long red-violet hair. She looked at the clock on her computer and noticed it was nine the next morning. She had fallen asleep while she was working online.

"Where have you been. I've been trying to call you all morning." It was Maggie, Jessi's sister. "Caleb was about to go over, he was so worried." Caleb Cooke was Maggie's husband and one of Jessi's bodyguards. In fact he was her main guard. They had made the joke about how when Maggie finally found herself a man he was protecting her baby sister.

Jessi smiled briefly at that. "Tell him not to. I'm okay. I just fell asleep with the internet on. Sorry about that."

"Oh," Maggie laughed, "that's all right. We just didn't know what had happened to you, and you know how Caleb is when we don't know where you are."

"Yeah." Jessi answered. Caleb was very overprotective of both Maggie and Jessi. Sometimes he was over bearing but Jessi only need remind herself that not only was it his job to protect her but she was family to him now and he would do anything for his family. He was an incredibly wonderful man, and they were both very lucky to have him in their lives. Maggie more so because she found love with a man like that. It was a very rare find. "Tell Caleb not to worry and give Matthew a big hug and kiss from me. I'll see you later today. I have some work to do and when I'm finished I'll call you."

"All right then. See you later, Jess."

"Bye."

They hung up and Jessi sighed. She leaned back in her computer chair, wondering what it would like to be normal again. She was so sick of having to live like this, stuck in her house day after day, and when she _did_ go out she had to have Caleb and an assortment of other guys around her.

"I just want to be normal!" She cried, slamming her hands against her desk, shaking her computer. It knocked the screensaver off, revealing her desktop. She leaned forward and looked at the monitor. In the center of the screen was a notice. She had a new message in her inbox.

> > **[ 6 ] Second Thoughts**

Morning at Xavier's school dawned like any other. Light invaded Kurt's room with the fervor of a troupe marching into battle. He rolled over and threw his arm over his eyes. He had been up longer than he had expected the night before. He had written and re-written the e-mail to the mysterious Renegade Angel, making sure it was as perfect as he could get it and then he still wasn't satisfied. She probably wouldn't write back and he wouldn't blame her.

_What was I thinking anyway?_ His bravery had vanished as he slept and now he wasn't sure if he had done the right thing. So the girl was interesting, at least as interesting as anyone could be in just two paragraphs, and she seemed to be very smart. If she had any good sense she would not return his e-mail.

Thoroughly depressed again he climbed out of bed and went to get dressed. The day ahead of him was already looking as dark and dull as the days before. It might have been sunny outside but it might as well have been raining and storming.

"The idea seemed good at the time." Kurt muttered to himself as he pulled on his shirt and began buttoning it. "Oh, well." He glanced at the clock and realized what time it was. He was late for breakfast, really late. Logan had probably already been and gone, and that was saying something. Without further thought he teleported down to the kitchen, expecting it to be empty.

Once again he found himself running into Bobby Drake. He was seated at the counter leaning on one hand while forking some eggs into his mouth with the other. He jumped as Kurt appeared. "Mr. Wagner!" He cried, "man, I'm going to have to get used to that." He shook his head.

"Good morning." Kurt greeted, trying to sound cheery. "I thought you ate with all the other students."

"Not this morning. I wanted some quiet, so I came in here. No one seems to mind. Speaking of quiet, what'd you do last night after I went to sleep?"

Kurt sighed and took a seat. "Well, I decided to contact a girl. I read a post of her's on one of those sites you gave me, but I don't think she'll reply."

"Oh?" Bobby raised his head, interested. "Who was it?"

"Her name was Renegade Angel." Kurt informed. "But I guess that doesn't matter."

"Whoa, _Renegade_?" Bobby asked, "she'll write you back. I wrote her once to ask her about one of her posts, she wrote back almost immediately. That was the only time I've ever contacted her but she's really nice from what I can tell. She's really cool, not to mention how she's a big supporter of civil rights. Lately she's been digging into mutant rights."

"You really think she will write me back?" Kurt asked, hopeful.

"I'd bet my complete collection of Lethal Weapon on it!"

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "That is good, right?"

Bobby nodded, "very good."

**

> > [ 7 ] Reply, Send

**

Jessi stared at her computer for a long moment before reaching for her mouse. She got mail all the time from people on the sites she frequented, but as of late she had not been as excited about it as she used to. Mostly they were of no consequence, just measly little dribbles from nameless individuals. What once used to be filled with thoughtful inquisitiveness and genuine intelligence was quickly becoming the victim to the same brainlessness of the world she was trying to escape by going on the internet.

However, there still were those occasional mails that were actually interesting. Those were the ones her inbox was worth checking for. She opened her new message and saw back, waiting for it to load. She didn't have to wait long for words to appear on the screen. Words that would change everything.

_

> > > First of all, I have never done anything like this before. In fact I don't know why I'm doing it now. Something about your article got my attention and I was curious to learn more about you. I understand if you are too busy to answer me, or are not interested, but if you are then I would be most pleased.
>>> 
>>> My name is Kurt. I'm twenty-six, but I've been told I look younger. I've recently relocated to the United States from Germany. I am still trying to get used to the idea of living here. A friend of mine set me up with this address and at first I didn't know if I was even going to use it or not, but here I am…

_

It was the tone of the message that kept Jessi's attention as she read on, learning just a little bit more about this "Kurt." She found herself smiling at his mix of apparent awkwardness and humor. When she finished she was surprised to see the arrow already hovering over the "Reply" button as if on it's own device. She hadn't done that for a long time. She shook her head and clicked on it, excitedly thinking up what she wanted to say.

[ 8 ] Moving FW:

With the return of his confidence Kurt decided to go check to see if his e-mail had been returned. It was almost shocking to see a message waiting for him. In the subject line read the words: "Definitely Interested." Without another thought he opened it.

_

> > > Kurt,
>>> 
>>> Hi. My real name is Jessica, but most just call me Jessi. I'm 24. I live in Texas… It's really hot here now - - actually it's always really hot here where I live. Although thanks to my profession I don't have to worry about getting out in the heat much. How is there where you are?
>>> 
>>> Speaking of places you said you were from Germany, right? Is it really pretty there? I heard it was a very nice place despite the history. Well, anyway, welcome to America. I hope you're liking it here so far.
>>> 
>>> I was surprised to receive your e-mail. It's a little weird for me to do something like this, but I wanted to say I enjoyed reading your letter to me. I haven't gotten anything that called for my attention in a while. It's nice to know there's still fascinating people out there. So, if you ever want to chat go ahead and flag me down somewhere. I would be delighted to.
>>> 
>>> I hope to hear from you again soon, Jessi.

_

"She wrote me back." He smiled, staring at the screen. And like Bobby had said, she was very nice. In fact, she _liked_ him.

[ 9 ] Warning!

"Anything exciting happen to you today, Jessi?" Maggie asked, leaning over the playpen where her one year old son Matthew was tossing some blocks around. She picked him up and handed him to his Aunt.

"How's my lil guy, how ya doin' Mattie?" Jessi smoothed the boy's bit of sandy hair back before turning to her sister, "actually yeah. His name's Kurt."

"Kurt? His? A guy, Jessi? I thought you sworn off trying to meet new guys after… Derek."

"Yeah, well, it turns out not all men are jerks. In fact this one sounds really, dare I say, sweet. He said he just moved here from Germany. How cool?"

Maggie raised up from straightening the playpen to regard her sister solemnly. "Jessi, be careful. You know how I don't like you meeting all these people on the internet. They could be psycho killers or something. You hear about it all the time, women going to meet their 'dream date' somewhere and never coming home. Even guys fall under the trap. He could be _anyone_."

Jessi frowned. "It's not like I'm gonna go meet the guy in a dark alley or something. Jeez, sis."

"It's just a word of caution, Jess. Please don't blow me off. Especially you should understand how dangerous the world can be. You _do_ remember last year don't you?"

"That's kinda a dumb question, Maggie. I don't think I would forget being stalked. Waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of my alarm going off and realizing I'd left the dogs outside is not the best feeling in the world." She sighed and dropped onto the couch, careful not to jar her nephew, who seemed content. "Plus he doesn't even know who I am. Anyway, he doesn't sound like a lunatic."

"They never do, but the next thing you know you're seeing them on A&E on one of those serial killer specials or they try to blow up Washington or something." Maggie said, taking Matthew back. "I'm happy you've found someone to talk to, Jess, I really am. Being locked up in that house of yours all day is not a good thing. At least I know that you have an outlet for your feelings with these people."

_These people,_ Jessi thought amused, _it's like they're a whole different kind of human. _

"I just don't want anything to happen to you. You understand?"

Jessi nodded. "Of course, sis." She stood and pecked Maggie on the cheek. "Don't worry about it. I'm sure he's perfectly safe, but I'll let you know if he tries to assassinate the president, okay?"

* * *

Yeah, okay. That's a really bad joking without meaning to make one, that last line. But, oh well. Thank you for all the loverly reviews for chapter one. Hoped you liked ch. 2, too.

Like, no like? Drop me a line. It's going slow right now, but I hope to pick it up a bit. Get more of a plot goin, no? See ya round. Toodles.


End file.
